As we get ready to ring in yet another New Year, here’s my round-up of 2010’s most egregious parental Facebook faux pas:
#5 Inviting friends to your child’s theater performance. Note: I do not want to go to your child’s play. Ever. If your kid makes it to Broadway, I’ll make it up to you by not asking for a free ticket to opening night.
#4 Posting the details of how fast your kid ran in the race, or swam in the meet. Ditto for how prodigiously talented they are at soccer, baseball, tennis or gymnastics. Photos are fine – crowing about your kid’s stats is not. That is what grandparents are for. Note: You get extra douche-bag points if you post your kid’s stats to people whose kids scored lower at the same event.
#3 Posting that your 3 year old can read, or, even worse, casually mentioning that your 2nd grader is enjoying the same book as my 5th grader. Don’t think for a minute I don’t know that this is you bragging at me while pretending not to.
#2 Soliciting donations for school and activity fundraisers, like the walk-a-thon, entertainment book, girl scout cookies and gift wrap. This is what aunts and uncles are for. Don’t you know we all have to buy the same school crap from our own kids? Sheesh.
#1 Requesting advice on what to do about the fact that your child has been asked to join the gifted program. As any parent whose child has not been asked can tell you, the “gifted program” is a code name for the “program for socially maladjusted children”.